What does one do with the disillusionment and how does one cope with reality? Most of the time, most people adopt unhealthy methods – ‘angry suppression’ or ‘angry expression’. Those who suppress their feelings end up wallowing in self-pity, get into a depressed mood and brood all the time. If this continues long enough, then it changes into a bitter indifference towards the relationship. This is a dangerous point, because, at this juncture, there is almost no turning back and no amount of marital counseling or pleading on the part of the partner helps.
The other unhealthy way is ‘angry expression’ in which one finds fault with person and his/her behavior at the same time. Anger disables you and you are unable to separate the behavior from the person, and the more you blame people, the worse they get. The prime concern should be correcting the mistake rather than putting the person down.
The healthy way of coping with disillusionment is to be ‘problem-oriented’ and not ‘blame-oriented’. It becomes imperative to first examine whether you are catastrophizing your situation in any way and are making unreasonable demands in the relationship.
The other unhealthy way is ‘angry expression’ in which one finds fault with person and his/her behavior at the same time. Anger disables you and you are unable to separate the behavior from the person, and the more you blame people, the worse they get. The prime concern should be correcting the mistake rather than putting the person down.
The healthy way of coping with disillusionment is to be ‘problem-oriented’ and not ‘blame-oriented’. It becomes imperative to first examine whether you are catastrophizing your situation in any way and are making unreasonable demands in the relationship.
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